Join the "This is NOT Okay!" Movement
Imagine this: Your kid comes home from school, visibly upset. After some coaxing, they reveal that they’ve been harassed online, targeted by cruel messages that qualify as verbal and emotional abuse, making your stomach turn. Now imagine that this isn’t an isolated incident—it’s happening to kids all around us, including mine. This is the reality we’re facing, and it’s why I started the "This is NOT Okay!" movement.
Why I Started This Movement
In my local school district’s parent Facebook group, I kept reading post after post about kids being bullied. Parents were desperate, feeling like they weren’t getting the support they needed. I was glad to see parents reaching out to each other for guidance. However, amidst all these conversations about bullying, there was another serious issue that wasn’t getting the attention it deserved: the growing problem of the nude photo epidemic and the unsolicited and solicited sexting among our kids. This issue has become a significant concern that many are hesitant to discuss openly, but it’s one that cannot be ignored any longer.
This past spring, I finally had enough when my daughter received an inappropriate video from a boy—(just use your imagination about what it was). At the same time, she became the target of an anonymous Instagram account. I won’t reveal the name of the account for obvious reasons, but I can assure you, it would make your jaw drop—it was unflattering and abusive, to say the least.
Knowing what happens mentally and emotionally to kids when they’re pushed to the brink—from being relentlessly harassed and bullied—has made me realize that we need to do more. Shame is a very powerful motivator, and in the worst cases, it can lead a teen to take their own life. Death by suicide is a very personal topic for me, as that’s how I lost my nephew. I knew I couldn’t just sit back and hope things would get better. I needed to do something, not just for my kids, but for all our kids. I’m in a unique position of already having a speaking and social media platform, and my passion is teen and parent well-being.
The Feedback I’ve Received
Since launching this conversation, I’ve heard from many of you, and one significant piece of feedback stood out: I shouldn’t just be addressing "Boy Moms," as I had done months ago in response to the treatment of my daughter. And I completely agree. When I started the "This is NOT Okay!" movement, it was never about boys versus girls—it has always been about parents stepping up and doing the hard things, teaching tough lessons that they might not necessarily want to, but knowing it’s crucial because kids out there are getting hurt.
For those who missed it, I initially addressed these concerns in a letter to "Boy Moms" that was sent out this past spring. You can read that letter here. It’s important to see how this conversation has evolved and how we can continue to grow together as a community.
I had even planned to write a letter specifically to "Girl Moms," encouraging them to talk to their daughters, because I’m fully aware that girls are just as much a part of the issue as boys. Both boys and girls are pushing boundaries in ways that can have serious consequences. My bigger concern is that what starts as "locker room talk" among boys can sometimes escalate into harmful attitudes toward women in adulthood. Similarly, what begins as casual discussions among girls about relationships can, in certain social contexts, lead to unhealthy competition or behaviors that don’t align with their values. These behaviors, if left unchecked, can contribute to a culture where respect, empathy, and self-respect are diminished. What also gets lost is the understanding of what should be saved for a healthy, loving relationship versus what is given away freely to anyone who wants it. That’s something we all need to work together to prevent.
As parents, we are our kids’ first and most influential role models. It’s essential that we model the behaviors we want to see in them—whether it’s showing respect in our own relationships, practicing empathy, or setting healthy boundaries in our digital lives. In today’s world, our kids are constantly bombarded with messages from media and culture that can distort their understanding of relationships and self-worth. As parents, it’s crucial that we provide a counterbalance by teaching them the value of empathy, respect, and making choices that align with their values.
Understanding the Toxic 10
As part of this movement, I want to introduce you to what I’m calling the "Toxic 10." These are the behaviors that have become all too common and that we, as a community, need to address head-on. The common thread in all these behaviors, from bullying to unsolicited sexting, is a lack of boundaries and respect.
Bullying typically occurs among younger teens and pre-teens, often peaking around 4th and 5th grade. At this stage, it usually involves physical or verbal aggression. As kids move into middle school, particularly in 6th and 7th grades, bullying can evolve into more covert forms like social exclusion or spreading rumors, and it often begins to take on a sexualized nature, shifting into harassment as they go through puberty. By high school, these behaviors can sometimes escalate into dating violence or more severe forms of emotional manipulation. Understanding this continuum is crucial to addressing these issues early on and preventing them from escalating as our kids grow older.
Here’s a breakdown of the "Toxic 10":
Bullying/Cyberbullying: Using physical or verbal aggression to intimidate or control someone in person or through digital platforms. This often peaks in pre-teen years.
Physical Aggression: Displaying hostile or violent behavior towards others, commonly seen in younger age groups.
Unsolicited Sexting: Sending explicit messages or images without consent, creating discomfort or distress. This issue often arises in early teen years as kids become more active online.
Nude Leaks: Sharing intimate images or videos of someone without their consent as a form of retaliation, a behavior that can start in middle school.
Deepfake Creation: Using AI to create fake images or videos of someone to deceive or harm their reputation, a more recent trend that’s becoming prevalent in older teens.
Objectifying: Treating someone as an object rather than a person, focusing on their physical appearance—this behavior can start as early as elementary school but becomes more pronounced in middle and high school.
Attractiveness Rating: Ranking individuals based on their physical appearance, a behavior often seen during middle school years.
Fat Shaming/Slut Shaming: Criticizing or mocking someone’s body size or shape, and shaming someone for their real or perceived sexual behavior or appearance—these behaviors also tend to peak during middle and high school.
Emotional Manipulation: Using emotional tactics to control, exploit, or harm someone (including behaviors like love bombing, using someone for physical intimacy under false pretenses, and betrayal in relationships), often seen in older teens.
Betrayal: Cheating on someone, getting with someone’s ex, or other actions that involve deceit and breach of trust—these behaviors typically emerge in high school relationships.
Peer pressure plays a significant role in how these behaviors manifest, with many kids feeling pressured to conform to group norms, even when those norms are harmful. Helping our kids build resilience against peer pressure is critical in empowering them to make choices that reflect their values.
Join the Movement: Sign the Pledge
I’m inviting you to join me in standing up against these behaviors by signing the "This is NOT Okay!" pledge. By doing so, you’re committing to having those tough but necessary conversations with your kids about online and offline behavior, respect, and empathy. You’re also joining a community of parents who are dedicated to creating a safer, healthier environment for all our kids.
Remember, as parents, we set the tone. Let’s model the empathy, respect, and resilience we wish to see in our kids and work together to build a community where these values thrive. One way to begin these conversations is by asking open-ended questions, such as, "How do you feel about what’s happening online with your friends?" or "What do you think is important in a relationship?" These questions can help your kid open up and share their thoughts and concerns.
When you sign the pledge, you’ll receive a free course on the Toxic 10, where I’ll go into more detail on each behavior and provide practical steps to help guide your kids through these challenges.
To sign the “This is NOT okay!” pledge, click here. Together, we can make a difference.
Thank you for your continued support. Let’s keep this conversation going and work together to protect our kids.
Warm regards,
