Raising Confident Communicators

CommunicationConfidenceTalking with Your TeenYour Teen

Dec 22

Public speaking is often cited as the number one fear for adults, but for children and teenagers, the stakes feel even higher. Whether it’s answering a question in class, standing up to peer pressure, or simply ordering a pizza, the ability to communicate with confidence is a life-altering skill.

I recently sat down with Elizabeth Green, founder of My Speech and Debate Coach. Elizabeth’s journey is incredible—she went from being a painfully shy child who dreaded speaking in class to becoming a professional broadcast news anchor. Now, she’s helping thousands of students find their own voices through her Four Ps framework.

The Four Ps of Building Confidence

Building communication skills isn't just about stage presence; it's about strengthening relationships and self-worth. Here is how Elizabeth encourages parents to support their children:

1. Patience (The Power of the Pause)

As parents, our instinct is to "rescue" our kids when they struggle to find the right word. However, Elizabeth teaches the Power of the Pause.

The Concept: In journalism, the best information usually comes right after a few seconds of silence.
The Action: When your child is speaking, give them the space to struggle a little. Let them process their thoughts and produce the words themselves without filling in the blanks for them. It might feel awkward, but that silence is where they find their power.

2. Prompts (Open-Ended Questions)

If you ask a "yes/no" question, you’ll get a one-word answer. To build a communicator, you need to provide better prompts.

The Concept: Move away from "How was your day?" and toward specific, open-ended questions like, "What are you growing in agriculture class today?"
The "Taylor Swift" Strategy: Elizabeth teaches a simple 3-part structure for answering any prompt:

The Beginning: Answer the question directly.
The Middle: Provide reasons and explanations.
The End: Circle back to the beginning so the audience knows you’re done.

The Result: This simple habit at the dinner table helps kids feel that their thoughts and opinions are valued.

3. Push (Out of the Comfort Zone)

Confidence is built through experience, which often requires a gentle nudge from parents.

The Concept: Most kids won't volunteer for uncomfortable speaking roles. Sometimes, you have to "volunteer" them.
The Action: Look for "safe" ways to let them talk to strangers. Have them:

Order their own meal at a restaurant.
Respond to a cashier’s greeting in the checkout line.
Make a phone call to order food or get a quote.

The Result: The more they do this at a young age, the less likely it is to ever become a deep-seated fear.

4. Praise (Focus on Practice, Not Perfection)

Critique is the quickest way to diminish a child's confidence. When they are doing something uncomfortable, they need specific validation.

The Concept: Focus on the effort and the "how," rather than just the "what."
The Action: Avoid generic praise like "Great job." Instead, be specific: "I love how you slowed down so I could follow you," or "You did a great job holding my eye contact."
The "But" Rule: Avoid saying, "You did great, but..." That "but" instantly erases the praise. If you feel a critique is necessary, ask for permission first (e.g., "Are you open to some feedback on that?").

Practice Over Perfection

The goal isn't to create a perfect orator; it's to encourage practice. When a child feels they did "terrible," instead of pointing out flaws, ask them: "Why do you think that? What could you do differently next time?" This shifts the focus from failure to growth.

By implementing the Four Ps—Patience, Prompts, Push, and Praise—we can help our children move from being shy observers to confident participants in their own lives.