Building Confidence for Moms
Many moms feel defined solely by their roles—wife, caregiver, volunteer—often leading to self-doubt, people-pleasing, and a loss of personal identity. But confidence isn't something you're born with; it's a skill you build from the inside out.
I recently spoke with Simone Knego, a mom of six, author, keynote speaker, and life coach, about her journey from struggling with self-doubt to finding her "unshakable confidence." Her wisdom applies to every mom, whether you're navigating the early years or facing an empty nest.
The R.E.A.L. Method: Simone Knego's Confidence Formula
Simone developed the R.E.A.L. Method to help women proactively build their self-worth and capabilities.
R: Respect Yourself
This is the foundation. While we’re taught to respect elders and peers, we often neglect respecting ourselves.
The Lesson: Confidence requires the ability to self-advocate and use your voice.
Actionable Step: Practice setting boundaries by saying yes to what serves you and no to what doesn't. This is a critical skill for teenagers and moms, especially those who struggle with people-pleasing.
E: Embrace Your Failures
We often avoid trying new things because we fear the "what if whisperer"—the voice that asks, What if you fail? What if they judge you?
The Lesson: Failing at something doesn't mean you are a failure. It means the attempt just didn't work in this moment.
Actionable Step: Don't let the fear of failure stop you from rocking the boat or continuing to try.
A: Ask Yourself What You Want
Moms often spend decades prioritizing everyone else that they lose touch with their own desires, especially as the kids grow up.
The Lesson: You are a whole person beyond your role as a mother or wife.
Actionable Step: Regularly ask yourself: "Am I happy with the way things are right now?" If something is missing, figure out what small steps (like a hobby or volunteer work) would make you feel more fulfilled.
L: Live Without Limits
We habitually limit ourselves through our self-talk: "I'm not good enough," "I'm just a stay-at-home mom," etc.
The Lesson: Drop the "just." All your roles are crucial parts of who you are.
Actionable Step: Be proud of who you are and recognize your capabilities.
Mindset Hack: Control-Alt-Delete for Self-Doubt
Simone recommends this simple "mindset hack" to interrupt the loop of negative thinking:
Control (Awareness): Recognize the negative thought ("I'm not good enough," "They won't like me"). Ask yourself: "Is this real? Should I be believing this?"
Alt (Alternative): Tell yourself a better story. Change "I can't" to "I can," or "I won't." Change "What if I fail" to "When I succeed."
Delete (Action): Delete the habits and beliefs that don't serve you, such as the comparison game or the belief that you're not enough.
This hack can be used when a teen is afraid to ask peers to share driving responsibilities, or when a mom feels pressure to sign up for every volunteer slot. It takes the pressure off by shifting the focus from fear to reality.
Self-Care as Leadership: Modeling Confidence
Simone emphasizes that self-care is not selfish. It’s essential for modeling a healthy, ambitious life for your children.
Modeling Over Managing: Your kids are watching everything you do. They learn more from watching you pursue your own passions (like Simone climbing Mount Kilimanjaro) than from being told what to do.
Why It Matters: You want your children to see that they are capable of whatever they want to do if they put in the work—and that includes finding time for yourself.
Kitchen Table Leadership: Leadership isn't just about titles in a boardroom; it happens in the messy, everyday moments. The small, intentional decisions you make every day are leadership decisions that shape your world.
The Power of Vulnerability and Connection
One of the greatest barriers to true confidence and connection is the pressure to maintain a "nice image" where everything looks great. Simone’s personal breakthrough came when she dropped the facade of always being "strong" and shared her inner struggles, including past trauma.
The Ripple Effect: When one woman shared her truth and vulnerability, others felt safe to share their own struggles, realizing: "I'm not alone in this."
Genuine Camaraderie: True friendships aren't built on sharing shiny moments; they're built on sharing struggles. This vulnerability is what allows other people to step in and offer genuine support.
Actionable Step: Find close friends and have the courage to say out loud: "This is what's going on with me right now."
📣 Last Words of Wisdom
You don't need to change who you are; you need to change the way you see yourself. Focus on positive affirmations, as the way you talk to yourself matters tremendously.
Connect with Simone Knego
You can find Simone and her resources here:
Website: simoneknego.com
New Book: Real Confidence: A Simple Guide to Go from Unsure to Unshakable (Available February 17th) at realconfidencebook.com
