Self-Reflective Parenting
Hello everyone! Welcome to today's episode of The Positively Healthy Mom. I'm your host, Laura Olinger, teen and parent wellbeing coach. Today, I'm thrilled to introduce you to Carrie Lingenfelter, host of the "Heart to Heart Parents Podcast," joining us from Boulder, Colorado. Carrie shares her personal journey from being an educator and speech therapist to navigating the unexpected anxieties of motherhood, offering incredible insights into how our own inner state profoundly impacts our children.
The Unforeseen Anxieties of Motherhood
Carrie, a former speech therapist working with birth-to-three-year-olds, initially felt well-equipped for motherhood. However, the arrival of her sensitive son quickly challenged her preconceived notions of "parenting perfection." Despite her background and extensive reading, she realized the importance of listening to her child's cues rather than strictly adhering to schedules or rules. This early experience taught her and her husband to connect with their own intuition and follow their son's lead, moving away from a fear-based, control-driven approach.
Carrie's journey, which she openly shares on her podcast, has evolved from conscious parenting principles to embracing tools for supporting highly sensitive and neurodiverse children. She emphasizes the constant learning process in parenting and the need for a solid "root" or foundation to return to when challenges arise.
The Mind-Body-Heart Connection: Releasing the Need for Control
Laura shares her own experience of feeling a "bubbling energy" at dinnertime, driven by a desire to control the outcome of family connection. Carrie brilliantly connects this to inner child work, suggesting that our need for control often stems from unfulfilled needs or experiences in our own childhoods. If we didn't receive the connection we craved, we might inadvertently try to force it onto our children, even if the organic connection is already happening in a different form.
Carrie's personal example of her daughter resisting teeth brushing due to illness beautifully illustrates how a parent's "capacity bucket" (our energy and tolerance levels) can become depleted, leading to frustration. This frustration then mirrors back from the child. When her grounded husband stepped in, the dynamic immediately shifted, highlighting the powerful ripple effect of a parent's calm energy. This cyclical nature of parent-child interactions underscores the importance of self-awareness and addressing our own emotional states.
The Power of Self-Care: Fueling Your Capacity Bucket
Self-care, though a hot topic, is crucial for parents, especially those with highly sensitive, neurodiverse, or gifted children, as parenting can be uniquely draining. Carrie and her husband implemented "swap times" on weekends, allowing each parent one to two hours for conscious, present self-care. This isn't just about relaxation; it's about actively recharging and releasing the demands that fill our capacity buckets.
Carrie advocates for practices like guided meditations, Reiki, and Qigong (active meditation with energy work) to reconnect with oneself. Laura adds valuable insight from her "Consciously Digital" coaching certification, emphasizing the importance of activating our default mode network – the brain's "rest and relax" state. This "slow thinking" is crucial for creativity, long-term goal setting, and genuine relaxation, a stark contrast to the neurologically stimulating (and often draining) activity of scrolling on social media, which many mistakenly label as self-care.
Shifting the Energy: Breaking Generational Patterns
The conversation culminates in a powerful discussion about how a parent's energy directly reflects onto their children. Just as Carrie observed in her early speech therapy work, a parent's agitated energy often leads to a reactive, polarized response from a child. Laura explains this through Newton's laws: the energy we put out is often met with an equal and opposite force.
The "tough mom" scenario – a child wanting to wear shorts in cold weather – perfectly illustrates how external validation and societal pressures can drive parental control. It's not about the shorts; it's about the mother's fear of judgment from other parents. Carrie challenges us to ask: "Why do I care what other people are saying?" and "Why am I trying to force my child to be what society believes they should be?"
Ultimately, these parenting challenges are not roadblocks but opportunities for healing, growth, and learning. Our children often become our greatest teachers, mirroring back unaddressed patterns or unmet needs from our own past. By recognizing these patterns and doing the inner work, we can break cycles, stop repeating what was forced upon us, and empower our children to be their authentic selves. When moms choose to work on their own emotional well-being, they create a calmer, more supportive environment, changing the "energetic bonds of high stress" and ultimately transforming their family's reality.
Ready to dive deeper into these powerful insights and discover how to cultivate a calmer, more connected home?
Listen to the full episode with Carrie Lingenfelter on The Positively Healthy Mom Podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Don't miss this opportunity to gain actionable strategies and shift your energy for a healthier, happier family life!
