How Do You Know If You’re Messing Them Up?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately—especially as I walk alongside my daughter during her senior year of high school and the college decision process.

There’s a fine line between sharing your life experience and unintentionally pushing your agenda.

Between offering wisdom… and steering the ship. Between “I just want what’s best for you” and realizing, years later, that what felt like guidance landed as persuasion.

I watched this play out firsthand in my own family.

My sister held a grudge toward my mom for nearly twenty years because of how my mom influenced her college decision. Whether my mom meant to or not, that moment mattered—and it stayed with my sister far longer than anyone expected.

That experience has stayed with me.

Now, as a mom, I find myself asking: When do I step in and share my thoughts, opinions, concerns, or excitement? And when do I step backand allow my child the freedom to make a choice that could be a mistake… or could be the best decision of her life for her?

Here’s the reframe that’s helped me the most:

The truth is, most decisions—especially big ones like college—aren’t about finding the one correct choice.

They’re about choosing from a range of good options.

Every option comes with tradeoffs—and part of growing up is learning how to weigh them.

My job isn’t to help her pick the perfect college. It’s to help her think clearly, understand the tradeoffs, and trust herself to choose from a range of good options.

That’s where the idea of guardrails comes in.

We know where the guardrails are—the values we won’t compromise on, the risks that truly matter, the lines we don’t want crossed.

And as long as our kids are making choices within that range - somewhere down the center of the lane or middle of the fairway - we’re probably in pretty good shape.

Parenting isn’t about getting it perfect. It’s about staying connected, living by our family’s values and allowing room for our kids to become who they are—not who we think they should be.

If you’re in the middle of big decisions, constant second-guessing, or that quiet fear of “What if I mess this up?”—this is exactly what I support parents with in my 90-minute parent coaching sessions.

It’s a space to slow down, get perspective, and figure out how to guide your teen without taking over—or disappearing.

If that would be helpful, you can learn more or book a session here:
👉 CLICK HERE.

You’re not doing this wrong. You’re doing something that actually takes courage.